Our little miracle, Brogen

Brogen’s Birth Story Part 1

The decision to try and start our family came at the end of August 2016. And although Jay and I were

both still in school, I was excited at the prospect of becoming a mother. I knew that it could take a couple

of months before I’d actually get pregnant so for the first few months there was anticipation and

excitement but when the results came back negative I just thought “next month will be the one”.

By the 6th month discouragement began to wiggle its way into the back of my mind. I have a habit of once

I set my mind to something it becomes a main focus. School was just something I needed to get done so

I could focus solely on what my heart yearned for. As it became a reality that it might take a little longer

than we thought to get pregnant I decided that I would use the time given to me by a loving Heavenly

Father to do everything in my power to be as prepared physically and mentally as possible. In a sense I

think I was trying to prove to Him that I could be trusted as a mother. From the day we started trying I

began to exercise more regularly, running 4 times a week, as well as eating more healthily. I cut out all

sugar and tried to avoid processed foods as much as possible. The most important thing though was

prayer. In almost every single prayer we prayed we pleaded that we might be blessed with a child. All

according to the Lord’s will because that is most important, but that aside we begged for the Lord’s help

in our endeavors to get pregnant.

With the decision to try to get pregnant I decided to do research and learn more about what options and

decisions were required for pregnancy and birth. I began to listen to several pregnancy podcasts and

to read different pregnancy and midwifery books. It was during the journey of listening to the podcasts

that I discovered a strong inner desire for a natural birth. After doing hours of research I felt that a

natural birth at home was the best scenario for me and my future wee one. I just had to convince Jason

a little more that that’s what he wanted to. He was a little hesitant at first to do a home birth but after

talking to his sister who had had four of her five kids at home and listening to me go on and on about

the benefits of a home birth he began to become more comfortable with the idea. I have to say that

even before he fully was comfortable with the idea he supported me 100% and that meant a great

deal to me.

So here we were trying to get pregnant and I was on a major learning spree for everything to do with

pregnancy and birth. I literally fell in love with learning about the beauty of a natural unmedicated home

birth. The only problem was, I wasn’t pregnant yet. I even began to meet with midwives to see potentially

who we would want to have at our birth. I’ll admit I became a little obsessed with the idea of getting

pregnant that as each months negative test results came back I would fall into a slump of sadness

for a day or two before throwing my whole self into getting ready and trying for the next month.

Poor Jason just loved, held, and comforted me each and every time we went through this. It was at

about 9 months that I decided to go have my hormones and thyroid checked. After talking with my

doctor about my desire to get pregnant she had me begin using a natural progesterone cream and a

low medication for my hypothyroidism. So on top of everything else I was doing I threw this into the mix.

In September 2017 I began to accept the fact that we weren’t getting pregnant and began to love just

being Jason and me. We went on lots of adventures and it was a blast having the freedom to do

whatever we wanted. And that’s when the answer to so so so many prayers came. I knew this month

was different but I was terrified that I was mistaken. I wanted to surprise Jason with it if the results were

what I had hoped, but he had other plans. So after taking the test he came in and we waited and

watched as the most beautiful blue line appeared on the pregnancy test. We were pregnant! And that’s

when your journey began, Brogen.

Brogen’s Birth Story Part 2

**Before you read the rest I just want you to know that I have no doubt in my mind that the Lord was in

control during this whole experience. The way things played out as far as my labor and the birth went it

was all truly a miracle. Brogen had no complications really and for being 5 weeks early that was

absolutely a miracle. Jason and I feel very blessed for this and can’t thank our Heavenly Father enough.

Prayers work and He hears you!

May 28th, that was the day Brogen was due. I was somehow determined that he wouldn’t come until at

least June 1st. Or that was my hope. My mom had carried most all of her kids up until their due date or

later so I figured naturally I would do the same. So when I was at work April 24th and could feel almost

continuous trickles of liquid coming out of me all throughout the day I texted my sister Ananda asking if

it was normal. The day before I had texted Karla Jo, our Certified Nurse Midwife, because I had thought

that maybe a little of my mucus plug had come out but wasn’t sure. She said it was completely normal,

especially now that I was entering the last half of the third trimester. It was the combination of this and

the constant trickle of clearish liquid coming out of me that made Ananda respond to my texts that I

should “call Karla now!”. So I did and she said she would stop by our apartment on her way home from

her weekly Tuesday appointments to check to see if it was amniotic fluid or not.

I started to feel slightly panicked because if it was amniotic fluid I knew I would be sent to the hospital

to give birth there because our little peanut still had another 5 weeks to cook and it was too early to do

a home birth. I began praying with every strength I had that Heavenly Father would heal my cervix and

somehow prevent preterm labor from happening. One of the biggest fears I had was to have our little

boy at the hospital. I can’t even begin to describe how much it pained me to think everything I had

worked for was about to be taken from me all because of a few weeks. I realize now that I still was

able to have a birth close to what I had wanted, but at the time nothing of the sort seemed possible

by going to the hospital. I had my birth plan set in my mind how I wanted it and I knew that if I were to

go to the hospital there would be some things I would no longer be able to do or have control over.

I was sitting on the floor of our apt in this half panicked half desperate plea to my Heavenly Father

when Jason got home from work. The poor guy took one look at me and immediately was worried

something tragic had happened. I’m sure the look on my tear stained face was no comfort at all. I told

Jason what had happened and so we said a prayer together and waited for Karla to come. She came

and checked me and the results were negative. It wasn’t amniotic fluid. Yet for some reason I wasn’t

too sure we had avoided a trip to the hospital. That night was Jason’s Senior BFA Show so we packed

up and headed down to get ready for it. It was at his BFA show that I began to have contractions, although

I thought were just Braxton Hix Contractions. They weren’t very strong, like mild period cramps.

Towards the end of Jason’s show they started to come every 5 minutes or so. For the majority of our

time there I sat down on the couches in the back to see if it would help the contractions go away. We

got home around 9:45 and I told Jay what was going on and he said that I probably should tell Karla.

I really didn’t want to because I knew that she would have us go to the hospital. I ended up texting

her and she told me I was experiencing pre-term labor, and that we needed to go to the hospital. We went

to the Timpanogos Hospital at about 10:10 pm and got checked in. They had me change and then

were just about to check me to see how far I was dilated when my water broke. That’s when it

hit me. There was no way out of having a hospital birth now. At the same time my contractions began

to hit with full force and my whole focus went into hypnobirthing auto-drive, trying to implement all

the techniques and relaxation methods that Jason and I had practiced over and over again. We found

out about this time that our insurance wouldn’t cover the Timpanogos Hospital so they had us transfer

to the Provo Hospital instead. It took about 10 minutes just to get to the car because my contractions

were coming about every 30 seconds or so and I would have to stop and lean on Jason until it passed.

We got to the Provo Hospital at about 11 PM. They checked us in and I lost all awareness of what was

really going on. My whole focus was on my body and my baby and what needed to be done to get our

little guy here. Contractions hit every 1 minute or so for the whole time I labored, and lasted anywhere

from 30 seconds to a minute. There was never really a break in between them except for when I was

able to get into the shower with the water on almost the hottest setting possible spraying my back. I

was so focused on the contractions just trying to breathe my way through them and trying to keep my

body relaxed in order to help labor speed up that I never really had a chance to talk to Jason. The

whole time I was in labor he kept encouraging me, saying how much he loved me, telling me how

proud he was, and reminding me to breath and to relax. He was honestly the best birth

companion/coach. I didn’t realize till later how lonely and terrifying it must have been for him to be

thrown into this with me and not have anyone to talk to or to lean on either. And on top of that he had

no idea really what was going on with me other then by watching my body language. He was in

communication via text with our midwife but she was unable to come to the hospital due to another

client being in labor too.

The whole experience was a little chaotic and not how we planned at all. The policies of the hospital

made it hard to really implement the techniques I had practiced for months to help get through labor

and created a little frustration for Jason and me. I would finally begin to relax my way through my

contractions when the nurses would come in, doing only what they were supposed to mind you, but

would interrupt and have me move or need me to answer questions. It made it hard to

relax again. They only checked my dilation once, when we first got there and I was almost at 2

centimeters. I didn’t ever let them check me again until right before Brogen was born because the

contractions were so close together I could never get myself to lay back down for them.

I was in labor for almost 7 hours, during which the longest break I had between contractions was

maybe 2 minutes if that. But the whole time my body was working hard and fast and I could feel

Brogen moving and I could feel what I needed to do in order to help him move. For most of those

seven hours I was moving my hips in a circular motion while kneeling on the hospital bed with my

arms on the top of the bed leaning over. It was almost instinctive for my body to move like that and

any time they had me lay down to put the monitors on me I could feel labor slow down a little and

all I wanted to do was to kneel back up and sway with the contractions.

Just before 6 AM Jason realized that he had left the car parked out in the front of the hospital because

he had forgotten to go back down and move it after getting me checked in. Can you blame him though?

So he ran down to move it and that’s about when I started getting the urge to push. I couldn’t tell him I as
ready to push because I was in the middle of a very strong contraction when he hurried to move the car.

I was alone in the hospital room when I felt the urge and began to “bare down”. I actually was relieved

to be alone other then having Jason gone because I could put my sole focus into my body and what

it was trying to do. The pushing instinct is very real and I relished it. It felt so good to push. Not good

in the sense of pleasure, but it was a release of the contractions and I could feel my body opening up

to let our little boy be born. Jason made it back with about 20 minutes to spare.

The nurses and doctors came in around 6:10 to check me and see how far along I was because there

was about to be a shift change and they wanted to be able to tell the next shift how things were looking.

What they didn’t realize was that I was pushing my son down through the birth canal at this time and he

was beginning to crown and I could feel it. I regret not telling Jason that our son was about to be born but

I didn’t want the hospital staff to have me move or interrupt me. At 6:15 AM they checked and realized that

our little boy was crowning so they rushed to have the Doctor on shift come in. I reached down and could

feel the top of Brogen's head just beginning to come out. I wasn’t going to wait for the doctor and kept on

pushing with each contraction. Jason was able to see our son crown and the doctor barely made it to the

room as Brogen was born.

Brogen was born at 6:26 AM, 5 lbs 11 oz and 19 inches long. They placed him on my chest immediately

after and I was still in a daze, it took me a second to realize I had just given birth. He struggled to

breathe, and for a couple of minutes was only taking shallow breaths, but after about 6-8 minutes he
began to breathe just fine. I wanted to delay the cord clamping until the cord had stopped pulsing

because of all the health benefits this gives newborns but the doctor didn’t agree. I asked her to wait

another minute but Jason thinks she may have pinched the cord during that minute so it was kind of

pointless. We don’t really know but it’s something I’m still coming to terms with as this was such an

important part of our birth plan. But putting all that aside Brogen was here! And I had my son in my

arms and that’s all that mattered to me at that time. He cried for a bit but settled down and Jason and

I just stared at our little boy falling in love with each little finger and toe.

Often times it’s said all that matters is a healthy baby and mom after the labor and birth are over.

While that’s the most important part it’s not all that matters. My labor and birth were hard because

it went against almost everything I had hoped for, and so much was out of my control. I felt lost and

frightened. There is a lot that I could be upset about as far as how things turned out, but there

is no joy in that. Life isn’t something you can plan out perfectly and that’s something I was forced to

accept. I found an inner strength I didn't know I had during this experience and I realized just how

amazing my husband truly is. I’m grateful for how things turned out. Brogen never had to go to the NICU,

which was a miracle for being 5 weeks early. I had a speedy recovery and hardly any pain after.

And our little family was finally a family of three.